Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Family

My Aunt Mary died this week. 
Her funeral was yesterday in Parma Ohio (Cleveland)
I did not go but sent my flowers and spoke to my cousins.

My parents did go and thankfully another cousin (Steve) drove my parents to Cleveland because heaven knows my parents should not be driving that far. Hell, my father should not be allowed to drive out of the drive way but he still has his license and we can't seem to take it away from him. But that's another story.

Here is a photo taken yesterday of my Dad (86/on left) who is sitting next to his older brother Tony (95). Tony's wife is the woman who died. You can see a bit of resemblance beyond being 2 old guys. Uncle Tony has Parkinsons and has a difficult time talking and walking now. But otherwise believe it or not, he is sharp. This 2nd photo is of them in what I believe to be 1970-1971. 
Can you find them in that 2nd photo? (only 8 of the 9 siblings)




(The 2 Aunts hair in back is so Marge Simpson like it cracks me up)

Steve posted the current day photo on facebook saying how we all have longevity in that side of the family.  That got Rick and I talking about this topic.

You see I look at this differently than most. I don't wish to live to be 100 if my health is as awful as some or if my mind is gone. That is not living to me. 

On my mom's side of the family they die very young. Heart disease and cancer are the two diseases that have hit them all. All of my mom's family is gone. Her youngest sister literally dropped dead at 57 from a heart attack while in the hospital visiting a dying sister of cancer. 

My father has a sister who is still alive and kicking at age 92 - she still worries about her hair. That makes me smile. And of course Uncle Tony at 95 in this photo.
This side of the family has had Alzheimer's and Parkinson's as the prevalent diseases. 

Me? I personally fear ALS and Alzheimer's most of all. Those 2 scare me beyond belief and I tell Rick all the time that I don't want to live with those two. ALS most of all. 
How dreadful to be yourself but your body is frozen. I can't fathom much worse.

Rick doesn't know his history because he is adopted. 
I sometimes think that is a good thing in a lot of ways.

When I lived past 44 I had a big sigh of relief. My mom only lived to 44 so for some crazy reason I kept thinking I would die early too. That was a mile marker for me. 
It has also made me diligent with mammograms and female check ups due to her dying of this. Logically I know science has come a long way since she died in the 60's but for some reason passing 44 was a big deal to me. Crazy the shit we carry isn't it?

While my father still has a love of life and my goodness can he laugh. But he is losing it.
He actually was driving to the garage to drop off his car and my mom was following him to drive him home. He pulled over because the road had changed and he was confused. She pulled up beside him and just said, "Follow me"  She doesn't comment on the fact that he was confused and lost because he gets angry and frustrated which only makes it all worse. He followed her and nothing was said of it. See why he shouldn't drive? One of many reasons.
Changes really affect him now. Yes, the road was closed for a long time and then reopened and it did look entirely different and the buildings around it were gone so I understand it all. But to someone like my father it must have been such a fearful thing. 

As I have mentioned in the past when I call now I say, "Hi Daddy it's Peg" so he knows it's me. He has said at times, "Hi Peg, it's your father" and then he laughs his big bellow of a laugh. Sometimes when I call and don't say my name and ask to speak to Mom he will say, "which one is this?" That makes me laugh, "which one" 
When he asks that I always say number 1 and then he laughs and I hear him tell mom that Peg is on the phone. Recently I said when asked, "Your favorite" and to bust my balls he will say all my sisters names but not mine. So he still has his humor and he is still busting my chops but he isn't the same man in most ways that he was.  I like to just remember the funny guy so full of life with the loud laugh that was contagious. 

So while my cousin posted this and said that we all have longevity in our genes. I hope I do but only with all my faculties. When I said that to Rick he said, "you don't have them all now"
Funny mister, remember you are older than me and I may have to be your caregiver, be nice to me. 



Tuesday, August 19, 2014

11 More Days til Vacation.

We are so in need of a vacation.
As Bob says in the movie 'What About Bob?'  I need a vacation from my life.
Bob also says in this movie, "Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, I need, I need."
Which pretty much sums up how we're feeling about a vacation right now.

We leave on a quasi vacation at the end of the month. Quasi because I still have some work to do while on vacation.  Like return phone calls etc. 
BUT, I will be at the lovely lake in this movie. (smith mountain lake)
I will be on a boat, sunning (hopefully) and drinking (certainly)

11 more days!  
I can barely stand it, it's getting closer and it feels like it has been such a long wait this year. Here we come Bob!

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

The Dark Hole

Depression.

I am always so amazed that a pop culture figure can move me with his life or death.
Doesn't happen a lot. I mean I don't know them at all.
But Robin Williams death did that to me.
Shock was the first thing.
Sadness was the second.
Sadness for everyone, he, his family, all of the people he brought light into their lives.

Depression is a terrible thing that is so misunderstood.
I find that it is an incredibly difficult thing for those to understand until they have been there.  People always say, He was so nice, funny and didn't seem depressed. Those depressed don't often show it to others. The real pain is so deep inside.

Oh sure people throw it about that word depression. 
Oh, I'm feeling depressed today.
But real depression is a black dark hole that is so difficult to come out of alone.

I know a lot of narcissistic people (sadly) who cause a lot of their own drama and sadness. You can't continue to do the same thing day in and day out expecting a different result and then whine that life has got your down. I don't mean that kind of depression. That kind can just be a need for a kick in the ass or someone to be honest with them. To get a hand to help them see what they are doing. Not that it isn't real, but it's not the kind of depression I am referring to here today.

I used to think you could snap out of it. I had never experienced depression.
Or at least I didn't think so.
I am a typical Type A personality in a lot of ways. 
Whine and cry and move on with your life and get over it, used to be my mantra.
No harm in a little tears for yourself but don't stay there.
But I learned the hard way that it isn't like that one tiny bit.

When my mom died I was never given the opportunity to mourn her.
I think back to how in the hell I got through it and what did I do to compensate for that?
I don't know that I did. Rebellion to me was sneaking out when I was grounded or smoking a joint. But I only snuck out once. rebellion? I think not. 
Truth be told I don't think that would have been any different if my mom had lived.
It was the early 70's and I was a teenager.

Then in my 30's due to an undiagnosed disease I went into a very very dark place.
I could burst into tears while driving my car for what seemed to me to be no apparent reason. I would berate myself and say, "what is wrong with you, you have a great career, friends, money and free travel.  Get over it!"
No one knew. Everyone saw bubbly smiling Peg at work and play. But I slowly withdrew. Real friends catch on and ask but you become very very good at deception. Then I remember one day it was like a fog had lifted. I did nothing different it just was sunnier, the sky was bluer and I felt lighter.

Then it happened again in my 40's. This time it went on for a very very long time. 
If you told anyone they would say, "not Peg" she is so happy all the time.
But it was dark. I have never been in this type of hole before. I was ill, I never slept and I was severely depressed. I was given effexor and it made me stay awake for 3 days straight. That didn't help the situation. Rick couldn't reach me as hard as he tried. Boy, he tried. 
I loved him for trying but I just wanted it all to be over.

I always say I don't believe in guns and it's a damn good thing because I would use them.
Oh I wouldn't have killed myself with a gun because well, simply, I'm too anal retentive and I'd hate the mess all over the place for someone to clean up. Yea, that is funny now but it actually crossed my sick little mind. But I considered other ways. 
I thought about it a great deal. Then one night Rick said something to me. It moved me to my core. He was so honest, sincere and looked me in the eyes and I saw his pain. 
He went to bed. I sat there in the darkness. That look has never left me to this day. 
I couldn't hurt myself. I just couldn't do that to him
I couldn't bear to hurt him in this way. So what do I do? was my only thought.
But I didn't know how to get out of this pain they call depression.

That night I searched the internet for help.
I found her, my doctor who saved my life. Within months I felt better, not great but a start.
Work was becoming more enjoyable again and not a chore.
It took time but Rick looked at me one day and said, "Welcome back. I've missed you!"

It is a disease that shouldn't be looked upon as weak.
It is a disease. If your heart doesn't work you don't shame anyone into feeling bad about themselves because an organ isn't functioning properly. Why do we shame those with depression? It is just an organ (brain) that is not functioning properly.

I was lucky. Rick didn't give up on me. I was lucky that mine was associated with a medical issue and could be resolved without medication. I was the lucky one. Once the medical issue was found and treated, in time I was well all over. I was back to busting Rick's balls and being a smart ass again. I remember being in the kitchen when I gave Rick a smart ass answer and he burst into laughter. He walked over and hugged me tightly. He said, "I love that you are busting my balls again, who knew I'd miss this so much?"  It was just one of those moments.

I feel so for Robin Williams family as well as him. To end it takes a lot of strength in a way. 
I wish that day his family could have been there. I wish they could have looked him in the eyes and told him Rick's words to me. I wish he hadn't been so far down that dark well.  
I hope now he is finally at peace. 

Funny how someone who was so kind and brought so much happiness to others was just so sad. You just never know what goes on behind others eyes, blogs, or words do you?

Friday, August 8, 2014

Cool Summer

It's been a cool summer by Northern Virginia standards.
I like it, in fact it is a summer of my childhood from the great white north.
I like cool vs 100% humidity and 100 degree August days..
BUT,  I fear another cold long winter because of this.

What normally begins to happen to my flowers in late August began the first week of August.

I pulled out some of my dying drying flowers and getting ready for my fall planting...in August.  This is so weird. Funny my neighbor asked how my flowers were doing. Great I said, because they were. 3 days later the petunias looked dreadful. 

This year I am buying long johns. I am not going to be cold all the darn time.
Since I must be out there walking a dog I must be warm.
I am never warm anymore so I will invest in long johns. I hear the news ones are thin and lightweight, so unlike when I wore them in the 70's.

When I was a kid it was a staple in my winter wardrobe. They were thick and clunky and made my clothes feel tight over top of them. I recall wearing them under overalls that I wore when I went skiing. Ah, skiing, something the young do.  Instead of being all caught up in the fashion of high end ski wear we wore denim overalls. We would be booed on fashion police today. We bought the overalls at the Army/Navy Store. Remember those stores?

With my health luck of late I'd be carried off the mountain by the ski patrol within the first 10 minutes. Instead now I would just skip the down hill and go right to the lodge for hot toddies.  I was fearless back then, today I am smarter and more fearful. 

At the class reunion we talked about our ski club. We were nuts.
We'd ride up the chair lift smoking pot and then ski down hill like crazy people. 
What idiots we were. 
Honest to Pete if I had kids that did what I did I'd kill 'em. 
Perhaps that is why I don't have children. I asked Mark, the bad boy of this group, what he would do if his sons did this. He laughed. His wife rolled her eyes.
Mr. Aerospace Engineer at Boeing said he would not want to find out and thankfully hasn't. 
He was the seller of this commodity back in the day. If his sons only knew!

I think it's funny that this motley crew of Cheech and Chong kids from the early 70's are all so called responsible people now. Gray hair and respectable positions in society. 
But even Cheech has become an art aficionado, several time jeopardy winner and respectable foodie/cook. (could have been the munchies that drove that last  one)

Do you think there is hope for the shallow vapid kardashians type youth of today?
There has to be, she says with hope . 


Thursday, August 7, 2014

Gordon Elliot....it's me again!

A few years ago I wrote about my love of the show The Chew.
(Go on - take a look at the link)
They read it, to my amazement. 
So I am trying this again because it needs to be said.

I have celiac disease. I alter all the recipes to fit my illness and lifestyle.
Nothing was a more devastating blow to a foodie, an Italian one no less, who loves to eat.
It was truly one of the hardest adjustments of my life!

Worse, is the silly, stupid or perhaps ignorant people who say the most outlandish things like, "well it's just a little bit of gluten you can eat it."
Would you ever give a person with a peanut allergy just a small peanut?
Of course not. You would see the reaction.
Sadly because you can't see the damage that occurs in my gut and my immune system you think it doesn't really happen. I have heard that line more than I care to believe. 
My husband tells me it's ignorance. I don't know what it is, but it's tiring.

So Gordon Elliott, one day you had Jennifer Esposito on your show. I was so excited!
I knew she could explain to the masses what I couldn't fully articulate. 
She has lived my story. 

I would like to recommend she be a contributor to the show. You have a vegetarian on the show, why not someone for we folks to get tips on cooking with celiac? 
She could take these great recipes and adapt them for us.
One day a week would be fabulous. 

I am fortunate because I can usually take your recipes and adapt them. 
Thankfully most of Clinton's cocktails work for me.  :-)
Some, especially Carla's, I can't often adapt.
Maybe Jennifer could help with that. 
Oh I miss baked goods most of all, good ones, not processed ones from the grocer. 

It can't possibly hurt the show. And I would bet it would only add more viewers that you haven't been getting because they think you and the food network have forgotten us.

C'mon Gordon what do ya say?

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Where Could It Be?

That Bitch that is my favorite bra, ran off with my husbands wallet it appears.

How does this happen?

I can not find my favorite bra. 
Hubby asks, "Where the hell you taking off your bra Margaret?"

Hmm....

I think it's with his wallet.

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!

Monday, August 4, 2014

Long Bad Weekend

So have a good weekend did ya?

I had the best of plans. We were boarding Izzy on Saturday because Rick was taking me to the Birchmere to see a singer songwriter I enjoy. He bought these tickets if you recall for being a Cranky Gus while he was in the beginning of his Lyme Drama.


So last week upon returning from my trip to the great white north I was having some lower back pain. It began in the car ride home. I made it a point to get out at a service area and stretch. I walked around, got a coffee, got gas, pulled over and stretched some more. Got back in the car for the rest of my car ride from hell. By the time I got home my right side was really hurting. But I just figured it was normal because when Rick drives I am always moving around in my seat. I am not good just sitting for any length of time. Lying is another story, but sitting drives me crazy.


Monday my whole backside from my neck to my hips began to get that feeling like when my muscles cramp up severely and I feel like a stone statue. So I called my doctor. This will generally mean that I once again am not absorbing my minerals. This is a symptom of celiac disease and I know what this means. So off to the dr.'s I go and get magnesium intravenously. Normally within 12 hrs I am feeling so much better. But this wasn't happening. I could feel that my left side had indeed loosened up but my right side was in excruciating pain. I just thought it was something I'd have to live through. I could not stand up straight, just hunch over like an old woman.


Saturday I was determined to go to the show. I told Rick I would be fine. Honestly I didn't know how I could sit for that long. But I didn't want him losing that $100 either. Unbeknownst to me he put the tickets up on the developments website as well as a couple other places to try to sell them. Apparently I wasn't fooling him. 


Around 5pm my husband insisted I go to Urgent Care. We drove over to Urgent Care but apparently they only give care from 9 - 5pm no matter how urgent. 

So we went across the street to the new ER building. I remember telling the funny doctor what I was feeling. I remember him hitting my back and me screaming and asking him why he was doing that to me. I also remember them telling me they were going to give me something stronger than morphine. That is all I remember. Rick said I went from quiet, in pain, hunched over woman who morphed into a stand up comedian. Apparently I was telling funny stories and making everyone laugh. The doctor even told Rick that I had the best reaction to this drug from anyone he's ever seen. I should have charged them for the show from what I hear. What they didn't know was that I hadn't even eaten all day due to pain. This dilaudid really hit me!

I am thankful Rick was there because I don't recall anything after getting that drug. 

I don't recall leaving. I don't recall being told about my 3 medications I was to have filled.
I seriously remember nothing after they put this IV in my right hand. Somewhere along the line they told Rick I had a kidney infection. They had me pee in a cup - I have no recollection of doing this. (Rick said I did it alone, thank God) Rick and I were also told that they would have the full report on Tuesday. But my white cell count was very high as was my fever. So they were certain I had a kidney infection.

Rick informed me that there was to be no sex for 14 days. Not until all the medicine was finished. This piece of information he has told me every single day since we left. 

The way he is acting I'm surprised he would tell me this tidbit of information.
Since I recall nothing he could have lied.
It has made me laugh. Like that is even what I am thinking about mister!
But apparently that is all he is thinking about and the fact that he's on his own for 14 days. 
He's mentioned this to me twice today. Really?  
Okay big guy I heard ya. Gee, I feel a tad bit better today, thank you for asking and not just thinking about yourself!
Crazy ass nut job!

My neighbor across the street from me, unlike Rick , was thinking about me.

She had asked me to go to a musical with her on Friday and I told her I couldn't over the phone but then she saw me outside and knew for sure I was a mess. She saw me all hunched over Friday so she came over to walk Izzy for me the rest of the day. Then she said to call if I needed anything else. I did not because Rick was then home. It was so helpful to have her walk Izzy though. She brought over food the next day. She is so damn sweet. She is retired and told me she needs things to do so to call her anytime. I told her she could walk Izzy any damn time she likes. Her dog just passed away this year. 

So let's recap shall we? I missed a musical on Friday, a concert by a singer/songwriter who I love on Saturday, put on one helluva comedy show for the staff at the ER and slept through most of Sunday.

Oh, yea I had a good weekend, how 'bout you?

Monday, July 28, 2014

Reunion

Do you know that show Hot In Cleveland?
The premise is that these 3 women go to Paris together. One is depressed after a divorce, the other 2 are "has beens" in the entertainment industry. This trip was supposed to take them away and feel good about themselves and less depressed. All from LA. When their plane makes an emergency landing in Cleveland they find they like it there. They are considered attractive there, not old. They are liked if they aren't sticks/bag of bones and they can eat a potato and have a beer so they decide to stay and move there.

Well that pretty much was my reunion.  I am apparently hot in my hometown, just no where else in the world.  I did not go to the actual reunion for reasons I will share later. There was a meet and greet the evening before at a classmates bar in our hometown.

I meet my girlfriends at one of their moms homes. What a hoot. Mrs. Weaver looks fabulous and not a day older. I asked her what she was drinking to look so young. She said, Wine!
I think my wine is highly defective!

Honestly it was like a minute only went by. We 3 were laughing and talking about old times and just like we always were. We rolled right into the "characters" we were.  We walked into the bar and I swear to you I knew no one. Everyone came up to me and said Peggy and I would have a blank look on my face. Then once they said their name I could see it. But honestly I had trouble with more than not.

I heard from way too many that they had crushes on me but would never ask me out because I was "popular" or a "cheerleader" or insert any dumb reason. 
I told 'em all that is why I was home on Friday nights or just hanging with my guy friends. No one asked me out, or as much as my girlfriends (who I went to the party with)
One guy said he was certain I would say no. You don't know silly unless you ask.  One told me I was his favorite Cheerleader but since he named me Tits Malitz I don't think it had much to do with cheering. (my maiden name is Malizia...say it like the z as T sound in pizza - Ma- litz- z-ia)  One kid I had a crush on for years said he always had a crush on me but didn't think I'd ever go out with him. WHAT THE HELL? Why didn't you guys ask? 
When I asked him that he said he was certain I would say no and he didn't like the rejection. So when I told him I had a crush on him too he said, "I guess I blew it!" 
Yep, then he asked if I was married cuz he was divorced. Ooh ick! Yes, I am married and happily was my response.   I had a few ask me out and I had several say very nice things about me today. Where were these guys in high school? So it was good for the ole ego but now I'm back in reality and I'm the ugly duckling again. Damn it was fun while it lasted.

I talked to a few girls that said that they were so jealous of me and thought I was so confident and had it all....oh my what bullshit. OMG. Couldn't have been further from the truth. I was gregarious, friendly and all that shit but I was like any young girl at that age. Insecurities galore! I can't believe they thought I had it all together. No way until I was about 30. Just goes to show you that you don't know what is going on with anyone from the outside. 

The women all looked good. The men didn't fair as well. Two looked better than in high school the others were schleepy or fat or both.  The gay men looked fabulous. Even the girls that were a bit mousy in school now look great. But boy the men were a mess. I found those that left look better than those that stayed. Interesting. Those that stayed looked like they were from a small town. Those that left look like city slickers for lack of a better way to say it.

I must admit that I haven't stayed out that late in 25 yrs. I was literally out 2 hours before I normally wake up.  I only had 2 cocktails because driving was an issue. I was drinking water with lemon and I got peer pressure. I said to Chuck, "Hey I'm not 17 anymore, you can't make me feel badly about not drinking, pretend this is vodka."  He laughed and said he'd buy me a drink.  

A young woman who is one of my sisters friends and is 3 years younger than me married a guy from my class. They live in Florida now. They came up and she was rockin' a head scarf. I asked someone if she had cancer. Sure enough she did. She was given a few months to live. I sat and talked with her and I ended up crying and had to go fix myself after that discussion. She is so strong. But she really wanted to see family and everyone for the last time. She was tired early but it was so nice to see her and her husband. Her hubby's last name was Lucas and I always sat behind him in homeroom from 7th through 12th grade. (Besides the fact that we were friends) It is difficult to know what to say to people going through this. She and my sister lived together after college. I remember helping them move furniture and buying them pizza since I was the older sister with some cash. We laughed about some of the old days. What she is going through puts it all in perspective doesn't it? She is 55 with young children. She is determined to not be sad but see everyone who means something to her and to tell them. She's beautiful.

We even have 3 teachers that we had in high school show up.They were very young teachers probably not a lot older than us but a teacher in their 20's when you're 17/18 seems old. That was fun. The fact that they remembered more of us than I did is frightening to me.

The following day was a pig roast at some park. I did not go to this because my high school sweetheart, ex husband was going. I didn't want to deal with any of that.  Mark, a neighbor growing up and friend, wrote to me today that he was there asking if I was coming.
Mark wrote, "just like you said he would"  Yep. Don't need the drama or grief or uncomfortableness.  I had enough questions of, "Aren't you and Rick still together?" or "Where's Rick"  Since they don't know I am on my 2nd Rick I would have to tell them we are divorced and I've been with my husband for 27 yrs and married for 21.  Pain in the ass. 

Because I was a chick who hung out with the boys just as much as the girls I have a lot of male friends. Drove my father crazy because he didn't think boys and girls could be friends. So a few asked about my father which made me laugh. They spoke of how they were so afraid of him. That would make my father happy to hear. And the few dates I did have he would always try to put the fear of "George" in them. Successfully  scared them it seems if they still are talking about it  40 years later.

So fun was had by all. I needed to come home to sleep. I was out late every night and up early. I needed to come home just to get some Z's. I'm not young anymore, damn it! 

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Signs, Signs, Everywhere There's Signs

My husband will send me photos throughout the day.
Some just for before and after photos to change up the website.
Some for customers who aren't home to show them the work has been done.
Some to gross me out because he thinks that its funny how much it makes me ill to see people who never flush their toilets or leave very old dried up personal things on the floor where he has to work.

Here are a few of them from this week. None too gross - wouldn't do that to you.
He sends these to me with captions which can make me laugh.
Here are a few that I can share along with his captions/his words exactly as he sent them to me.

I don't want to live here!

NOT FRIENDLY!

She said she had trouble cleaning the tub. Staring at the filth doesn't count as cleaning it.

6 miles on this bumpy road. Glad it's not winter.

Nice view from their porch though once I got here

These are just the ones I can show you. Some are real doozies.  I had a plumber coming to my house last week. He had to go under my kitchen sink. I removed everything for him and then cleaned it. I didn't want him to deal with anything that had spilled (comet) or anything of that nature. You would think others would think the same when someone from our company is showing up. But apparently that is rare.

I changed all the fixtures in my powder room to oil rubbed bronze. I did this one day while Rick was out. What I couldn't do was replace the chrome drain in the sink to the oil rubbed bronze one. So when Rick got home he tried to do this without removing the sink from the wall. He could not. I called a plumber. The plumber said that the pedestal sink had to be cut from the wall and the two pieces be separated and then they could do it and then put it back together.  But the issue is that the paint color in that room was hand made/mixed. It's not a color one can buy. I don't have any left because my husband threw it away by accident (you know the head up his butt syndrome I referred to yesterday)  I asked the plumber if it would be a clean break and he laughed. I said to him, "I don't like that laugh."  He said he couldn't lie to me and  promise me that. I said never mind. So, I either have to find one like they have for tubs that will go over your existing one, live with chrome, (NO) or repaint the whole room. Aargh. I don't like my options here.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

My Trip

I'm leaving Friday to go to the great white north also known as my hometown.
I will be attending my high school reunion.
Should be interesting. I can't wait to see the 2 women I am going with.
I know for a fact there will be laughs and giggles all night with them.
My neighbor just told me about hers and said "It was great! It was so hard to recognize people. Age sure takes a toll!"
I thought that was funny. We should have name tags that have our senior pictures on them.
Good way to recognize everyone.

It will be cooler up there and I love that. (high 70's I hear) 
I love that kind of weather so that should be great as well as comfortable.
I hope to make it to the beach if for nothing else to shoot some sunrise or sunsets.
It will be a fun filled crazy weekend and I can't wait to get away.
The drive is the only thing I hate. But I'm leaving very early so hopefully the turnpike won't be too bad. Oh who the hell am I kidding the PA turnpike is always awful.
Do you know it has been under construction since I began driving at age 16?
Wonder if it will ever be finished? 

In other news - 
My husband lost his wallet, his life, this week.
He doesn't know where. We were together Saturday and he had it at the grocery store.
We came home and made a crab dip and had lunch.
We went to a party Saturday night and came straight home.
We went no where else all weekend. It was not in his pants.
We have torn apart our home. And I do mean tear it apart!

So I spent Monday freezing accounts and handling his life.
He got his license taken care of.
They suggested he go to the sheriff's office to file this because if someone does find it and they use his name for fraud this is all documented. They asked him where he lost it and he said, "If I knew that it wouldn't be lost" 
snarky bastard isn't he?

To those of you reading this, Katie and Jennifer, you know how he is.  
He will pick on me mercilessly for doing what he calls "foolish" things like losing my costco card or running low on gas. (I've never run out of gas,  so he gets in my car when I'm on E, it's not my fault)

When I misplaced my glasses he gave me such shit about it for 2 weeks. (they were in my briefcase in my Manhattan office so they weren't lost) 
I mean to tell you he went on and on about how careless I am losing expensive eye wear. 
yada yada yada.,
Well, I have never lost my wallet. So there!
Besides I found my eyeglasses. I don't think this wallet is going to appear.

This is a nightmare. Not to mention the $100 in the wallet he also had 2 american express cards, 3 company cards, personal debit cards and on and on. 
I wanted to kill him.  Hours spent on the phone and forms to fill etc.  
Do you know how many vendors I had to call because our supplies are automatically deducted from a business debit card? I keep thinking I missed someone and I suppose I will find out when they call to tell me my card was rejected. 
So then I can add embarrassment to this whole fiasco too. Lucky me.

He took care of his license and acted like he was a damn hero for all the time that took him.
Poor baby. Had to get a new license online.  Hope he didn't hurt his little fingers doing all that typing.
Seriously it's like when "they" put the TP on the TP holder and act like they did something miraculous.   Look what I did!

Honestly this man is driving me crazy lately with his forgetfulness, his head up his ass syndrome. What the hell is going on?  He decided to blame this on his lyme medications.
I laughed and said I'm not buying that horse shit. He continues to laugh.
In the mean time I want to hurt him. Is that wrong?

While I'm gone I ask that he not burn down the house, lose our dog, or misplace his truck or phone. I suggested he not leave the house. But he never listens to me so who knows what I will come home to. I will be gone for 3 days, hopefully he can keep it together in that short of time.  Wanna take bets?

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Ten Years is a lot of years.

My book club doesn't meet in the summer. But on Wednesday they had a summer luncheon in the most beautiful location in Clifton Virginia. 
It was a glorious day with perfect low humidity and only in the 80's. 
Don't often find those in Northern VA in July.  

A woman who had just had a Myers Briggs test again thought it would be fun to see where we are fell on that spectrum. An excuse to drink wine, eat and laugh in the middle of the day. I don't normally go to things like this because I am the only one not retired. But I decided to take off some time.  Izzy was in day care and we are in our summer slow down so what the hell was my logic.

Now there is one woman in the club that I really really like. She is fun, adventurous and kind.
I picked her up and we went over to Clifton together. 

We took the tests and then discussed our results. I find it funny that I have had this test 3 times in 35 years. All with the same outcome. I guess like Popeye says, "I yam what I yam"
Others had taken it before as well and half of them had their outcome changed, the rest like me, stayed the same.

As we went over our results and read the descriptions we would see that yes indeed that is exactly who Barbara is or who Linda is etc. That rolled into discussions of each personalities and stories then would be spun. 

I sat and listened to them all. (I was last) I found it fascinating and a tad bit troubling.
Most of these gals are 10 years older than me, a couple a tad bit more. 
But listening to them and their stories made me feel like I was listening to my Grandmothers stories. They all had a common theme. 
One got married because she had premarital sex and that was the only option for her.
One got married because she wanted to have sex. (that blows my mind)
One got married because she said at age 20 that is what one did. She felt there were no other choices. Get married or be a dried up old prune (at 20?)
Another didn't get married until she was 26 and her parents worried that she was going to be an "old maid" She broke off an engagement and decided that she never loved anyone enough to marry them so went back to school and got a masters in education. She also was very adamant about marrying within her faith which proved a long struggle in many ways in her lifetime.

All of these stories are so foreign to me. 
Only 10 years and it is a world of difference.
I am the only one married more than once without a spouse dying.
I too married my high school sweetheart and when we grew up we so wanted different things.
No fighting, no drama, we just knew we weren't going in the same direction.
Second time was the charm, but I was older, established in my career and knew exactly what I would or would not compromise on. He felt the same. We had the same goals, values and respect for one another so it worked for us.

I can't fathom the life they lead. They made a lot of choices from insecurities, society and family pressures and expectations. What a horrific way to have to make choices.
I can't even imagine not having birth control for an option, or having to have children because saying you didn't want them made you "broken".  One spoke of how not having children because you choose to not have them vs. being unable to have them,  had people looking at you like you were a horrible cold person. Wow. Talk about pressure.  

It was a long leisurely day and I was so amazed at how 10 years made a difference in our life experiences. They talked about the Vietnam war. I remember my boyfriend getting his draft card and the number was low, meaning he could be called.  Thankfully he was still in high school and shortly thereafter the draft was stopped ( i think 1973)  and the war was over in 1975 a year after graduation. One got married to avoid the war. While I am not clear how that helped because we got off target yet I can't imagine getting married for that reason.
Wouldn't that be worse? 

When Gloria Steinem fought for equal rights / gender rights they were now mom's with a couple of kids under their belt.  They spoke of being as one stated, "of my husband." To her that mean that he was head and master of the laws and she must obey. (holy shit!)
No credit cards in her own name, no credit period.
She said she had no legal rights to her husbands earnings or property. Her husband would control all of that. They went on to tell me how if someone did get divorced it was whispered about. It was difficult to obtain and generally meant that the woman had to prove without a shadow of a doubt that they did no wrong and the husband indeed did. Then they could get limited "support".  

Can you even imagine?
Only 10 years difference between most of these women and myself and yet they are so much older than me in so many ways. Yes, some are a great deal older but it still makes me thankful I didn't live in those times. 

While it wasn't easy being a girl in the 70's it was still better than what they had.
No, we couldn't play sports, no we couldn't wear pants to school, no we were still considered 2nd class citizens (has that changed yet?) 
But shortly after going into my junior year girls could then play sports in school ('73) but schools had to play catch up. My school didn't catch up until 1974. Then we had only a girls softball team, swimming and track. Took awhile to get coaches and people on board I guess.
I remember being able to wear pants a couple days a week. No jeans allowed though.
And we had birth control.

Today when Izzy and I walk by the young women standing at the bus stop they are barely covered. Bellies showing, ass cheeks showing and lord knows tits showing. I guess we've come a long way but not all of it good.

I don't fit in with these women but they do fascinate me.
Their lives are so different. They aren't friends with their spouses, they are their wives as one said yesterday. Each and every one of them said that they had nothing in common with their significant other. That is so huge to me. How do you share a life with someone you have nothing in common with? Nothing!  That isn't a life. That is something you have just gotten used to and you survive. You aren't thriving or enjoying yourself.  They said they weren't expected to be happy in the same way they want their daughters and sons to be happy today. How damn sad of a comment is that?

None felt they had the right to be happy. What is happy they'd ask? One loves to travel so she goes without her spouse. They don't read the same things, watch the same things, enjoy anything together or go anywhere together. Isn't that just a roommate?
It made me sad for them listening to their stories. Oh all of them have grown to love the other but none are what I would call a happy successful marriage. Just because you don't divorce surely doesn't make you a happy couple or a successful marriage.  They all took it in stride that this was "what one did"   It sort of reminded me of arranged marriages. They never really fell in love per se but over time, they respected one another and had children and learned to love each other in a different way. When I said that they all shook their heads.

It was eye opening, as well as sad for me.
I feel badly that they never got to know a real love and partnership. 
I felt badly that they had so many dreams that they never felt they could go after. 
I felt badly most of all because these are such smart well read and educated women who had to fight to get degrees and fight to do anything other than child rearing and housework. 
(and most in stereotypical female jobs, nursing, librarian, several teachers etc)
I felt especially bad for the ones who made choices out of insecurities and never had a voice until they were 68 years old. 

To them I was a tramp. I had sex outside of marriage and loved it. 
Oh the funny questions about that one. 
I put myself first and my desire for a career before being in a serious relationship.
I knew what I wanted and while I had hurdles from my family to overcome to get there I fought until I got there. I didn't allow family or religious upbringing to control me.
Heaven knows they tried with all tactics including Italian Catholic guilt.

The women yesterday kept using the phrase, "but weren't you raised Catholic? Aren't you catholic?"
I tried to explain to no avail. Then suddenly it hit me. Two of the women are now vegetarians. I had said to them earlier, "I was raised Catholic but I am not Catholic"
So since she couldn't understand that I said to the vegetarian, "Were you raised to be a vegetarian or in a vegetarian family?"  Her answer was, "  Heavens no, but it is who i am now because it makes me happy and I feel better." 
I said, "replace the word vegetarian in that scenario and put in Catholic"
Everyone was quiet for a moment and then she laughed, shaking her head up and down. 
She finally got it.

I wish more young people could talk to these women.
Today feminism is a dirty word when all it means is gender equality. Nothing more, nothing less. Two simple words that we have been unable to achieve in my lifetime, gender equality.
Two small words that frighten the insecure man. If you ask a young woman today if she is a feminist she says no.  If you ask her if she believes in gender equality she says yes.
Young women need to talk to these women. They need to see how far it's come and how far we still have to go. Young women need to get off their cell phones and talk to their grandmothers and hear it first hand.

I am not sure how much long I will attend these meetings. The age thing does rather get to me even though I like these women. 
And being the pig that I am something happened yesterday that made me laugh.

I asked for a cup of coffee. The hostess asked if I wanted milk/cream. She brought out her frother.  All the women were a buzz about this frother. 
As she pumped this and the foam was made these phrases were uttered.
"where did you get the fluffer?"  (fluffer this and fluffer that said over and over again)
"wow, look at that head?" "can I try getting head on this thing?"
"a woman is moving her hand slightly sideways up and down saying, "is that all you have to do to fluff it is go up and down like this?"   "will that make white foam?"

I was laughing but no one heard what I heard. 
Then my friend walked over to me and asked what was so funny.  I said listen to them all cackling over by the coffee machine. These women are still saying the same things over and over again.
So I made the same hand movement and said the same phrases above. She looked at me and burst out laughing. When the quiet librarian asked me what was so funny I said what they were saying and she said, "so?"  I didn't wish to explain. Those 10 years makes us light years apart. 

Of course when I got home I told this story complete with the hand gesture to my husband and Rick said, "oh my God didn't they know what they were saying?" 
Nope.
He said, "It's a damn good thing we found one another"  
Darn straight buddy!

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Deal With It.

I love this guy!
Oh not like I love Rick....or Gerard Butler...oh wait that's just lust.
I digress.

I have loved this man for years for giving me years of entertainment.
He makes me happy, happy, happy.
I am sad to see him retire. But I also see him wearing down so I get it.
My next life I want to be him. Honestly he has a pretty life.
Class act.

The fact that the Red Sox fans in this video tip their hat and roll their eyes was a nice touch. As were the Mets players and mascot with their faces pixelated. Now that was funny.



Monday, July 14, 2014

Supportive Family

You know how on Everybody Loves Raymond, the mother Marie Barone, is so very unsupportive of Robert? When I watch this on TV it just makes me laugh like crazy. I realize my family has been doing this for years.

Example. The day Rick was at the White House my mother called.
I told her he was at the White House for this job in the presidents quarters.
Mom: "Why did they call him?"
Me: I laughed and said, "well, why not us?"
Mom: " Well, aren't there other people who do this in your area?"
OMG. I burst out laughing and just said, "why yes there are mother."

Ah, there is that support I know and love.
You see there is no sense in trying to explain to her how awful that is to say to your kids.  She does it to all of us. She is equally non supportive to all 5 of we girls and her grand kids. Sure when I was a kid it hurt and pissed me off.
But by the time I was in my early 20's I would just laugh.
Because honestly they are nuts.

Our office is closed on Saturday and Sunday. But because it is in our home I can still hear the phone ringing. The phone was ringing off the hook on Sunday.
Sunday night we had just gone to bed. At 11:15p the phone rang.  Rick rolled over to face me and said, "Why the hell are these people calling us?  Don't they know there are other people who do this?"  It really caught me off guard and made me laugh.

Today I had a very cantankerous old bird driving me nuts. Rick called shortly after for messages. I told him about her and he said, "Why didn't you ask her why the hell she called us, there are a lot of people who do this in our area?"  That cracked me up and took me off the ledge. That seems to be our new go to line.

I love my parents and I know they love me but for the love of God they have no clue on how to be supportive. My parents have always said the weirdest things to we girls. Once they were talking to us about this young woman we all knew who had just gotten raped. I was 17 at the time.  My parents were giving us a lecture on what to look for etc When my father said, "Peg, you don't have to be pretty or attractive to get raped it can happen to even you" Gee thanks Dad.
My sisters and I laugh about this shit all the time. When my sister responded to him about this he said, "What? oh you're being so sensitive"  I just laugh.

Honestly it's funny as hell and my family would make a very successful sitcom.